ADHD  is neither bad behaviour nor simply personality. It is about a brain working hard to manage a world that can feel too much. A brain and body system regulate impulses, attention, self-control, and arousal, in a different way from the neurotypical brain-body system within the demands of the environment.

Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s book Raising Attention offers an interesting perspective on ADHD. Her book is gentle, grounded, and deeply human. Rather than focusing on how to control behaviour, this book helps us understand what is happening beneath it.

Ockwell-Smith says that ADHD has a strong genetic and neurobiological connection. Brain scans show clear differences in the receptors and transporters in the brains of people with ADHD, especially to dopamine. People with ADHD show structural differences in the brain, like lower density in the amygdala and hippocampus, smaller total brain volume and reduced grey matter in areas responsible for self-control and attention. ADHD is a development brain different functioning that is not a matter of choice or willpower. People with ADHD do not choose their neurological differences and progress happens when we accept and support them as they are, rather than trying to ‘fix’ them.

In my therapy work, I often meet parents who are tired, worried, and full of self-doubt. They love they children, but they feel stuck and unsure how to help a child who seems constantly to be ‘on the go’, easily distracted, or quick to explode. Sarah Ockwell-Smith reminds us that ADHD is not about a child choosing to be difficult. It is about a brain that is wired for intensity — for movement, curiosity, and stimulation. When we view it this way, everything softens. What once looked like defiance becomes communication. What looked like “not trying” becomes a sign of overwhelm. In therapy, I often find that this shift — from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What’s happening to me?” — changes the entire emotional climate.

So many parents I meet carry guilt. They have been told their child’s struggles are the result of poor discipline, too much sugar, too much screen time, or inconsistent parenting. Ockwell-Smith challenges that narrative with compassion and clarity. She says: “You are not a bad parent. Your child is not a bad child.“ I often share this sentiment with the clients I support. When blame eases, curiosity returns — and with it, the possibility for real connection.

The book also explores what Ockwell-Smith calls “explosive behaviour” — those sudden, overwhelming meltdowns that seem to come from nowhere. But, as she explains, these explosions rarely appear without warning. They are usually the final stage of a build-up of triggers: tiredness, sensory overload, transitions, hunger, or emotional strain. In therapy, I help my clients track these triggers, such as, when do things feel hardest? What helps, even a little? This process often turns chaos into comprehension. We begin to see the pattern and with that comes a sense of calm and empowerment.

Children with ADHD need connection far more than correction. Ockwell-Smith highlights the power of co-regulation, the way a parent’s calm nervous system can help soothe a child’s storm. Of course, this asks a lot of parents who are already running on empty. That is why, in my sessions, I focus just as much on the parent’s wellbeing as the child’s. I often say: “Your calm is the medicine your child needs most.” Helping parents find ways to rest, regulate, and replenish is an essential part of the therapeutic process.

One of the most moving parts of Raising Attention is the chapter where Ockwell-Smith explores how many parents recognise their own neurodivergence through their child’s diagnosis. I have witnessed this many times in my practice. That realisation “maybe this is me too” can bring grief, relief, and everything in between. Supporting parents through this self-discovery is delicate, but it can also be deeply healing. It allows families to reframe not just their child’s story, but their own.

ADHD does not exist in isolation. It is shaped by school environments, family routines, and social expectations. Ockwell-Smith encourages parents to work with schools and to advocate for understanding, predictability, and sensory-friendly adjustments. In my psychotherapeutic work, I often communicate with schools and also help parents prepare for those conversations with schools: finding language that is confident but collaborative, firm but compassionate. Therapy, in this sense, becomes a bridge between the family and the wider systems that surround them.

At its core, Raising Attention is an invitation to compassion for people with ADHD. When we look past behaviour and see the child beneath, we begin to heal not just their distress, but our own misunderstandings too. ADHD, in this light, is not something to “fix.” It is something to understand. And understanding, when paired with warmth, empathy and acceptance, can change everything.